Quick Recap of Impeachment Hearing, Day 3

2 mins read
Master Steve Rapport [CC BY 2.0], via Wikimedia Commons

I listened to (most of) it so you don’t have to.

Adam Schiff: “Today we are interested in hearing from people who heard the president say nefarious things.”

Devin Nunes: “We are not interested in that, at all. We would like to talk about Joe Biden, here, at a hearing that is not about Joe Biden.”

Devin Nunes' Cow

Lt Col. Alexander Vindman: “Hello. I am in the military. I am clearly scared that Trump and his supporters will cause harm to me or my family.”

Democrats: “Please tell us your story.”

Lt. Col Vindman: “I heard President Trump say sketchy things to the president of Ukraine over the phone, and I was weirded out, so I reported them to my superiors.”

Republicans: “You have a foreign-sounding name, and therefore you are a SPY!”

*everyone except Devin Nunes and Jim Jordan is very uncomfortable*


Jennifer Williams: “Hi. I don’t like any of you. I *do* like Mike Pence.”

Democrats: “Is Mike Pence involved in this scandal?”

Williams: “That’s classified.”

Republicans: “If you like Mike Pence, maybe we could see our way to getting you to exonerate the President?”

Williams: “Nope.”

Republicans: “Forget these guys. Here are *our* witnesses. We hand-picked these people to tell everyone just how the innocent the president is.”

Kurt Volker: “Oops. I know I said before in my closed-door testimony that the President didn’t do bad things, but I’ve just remembered, under oath, in the face of overwhelming evidence, that he actually *did* do bad things.”

Tim Morrison: “Yeah.”

Republicans: *insert Homer Simpson backing into the shrubbery GIF*



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By day, Philosophy is a professional writer who lives in Wisconsin with her husband and young son; by night, she’s the co-host of Two Broads Talking Politics. She has a BA in English, an MA in Religious Studies, and a deep and abiding interest in cats.

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